Everyone has anxiety about going out and meeting new people, but if your head is getting in the way of your heart, you need to do something about it. Whether you have all the time been shy or simply lost your confidence after a breakup, there’s lots you can do to get out of it.
You haven’t got to look for ‘the one’ or even push too far outside your comfort zone. All you need to do is try out some new ideas and you’ll be on the right track. You never know when you might meet someone, so by opening yourself up to friendly and romantic opportunities, you might surprise yourself.
Practice!
Life is all about learning and there aren’t many skills that do not require at least a little practice. Dating is just the same. If you do not go on dates, how can you increase your anxiety? Or, if you are dating but you are not fully engaged, how can you expect the date to go well? Take the pressure off and make every experience a chance to practice and learn.
Social anxiety will all the time try to push you back into your shell, but the reality is that if you take baby steps forward, it might just be okay. Everyone has bad dates so do not beat yourself up because you did not hit it off and get married right away! Even if you are a little late to the party, practice is nice for you.
If you are really worried about going out, a small step you can take is to try chatting online or experiment with a FREE Phone Chat. This way, you can try different approaches and learn to carry on a conversation without having to worry about body language and all the concern that comes with it. Learning to relax in conversation is a really important skill and will help stop your brain from jamming because you cannot think of a new topic or do not know what to say. Going with the flow is strange when you want to be in control the entire time, but guess what? It’s in fact much easier!
Put Yourself Out There
In order to get dates and meet new people, you must put yourself out there. There is a 100% chance of not getting a date if you’re continuously staying in, refusing to talk to anyone new! If you want to increase your odds, think of it as a numbers game. The more people you open up to and the more people you want to meet, the more likely you are to find someone who wants to date you.
Going to bars and clubs is one way to get out and meet people, but it is not the only way. If you are more academically inclined, finding classes or colleges can be an incredible way to get out there and find like-minded people. Likewise joining a club – anything like sports, arts, theater – is a brilliant way to have fun while meeting new people. While you might not be guaranteed an opportunity date, you never know who might have a friend they think you like.
If you actually want to increase your chances, you should try to find a club or a night for singles. Speed dating is one option, but there are many events out there that you can try. Of course, online dating is another great way to meet singles and, again, you have the opportunity to talk online before meeting. Like all things, there are some pros and cons for online dating but if you want to give it a try it is all good practice.
Just relax
Just because you want to find a partner doesn’t suggest you must force yourself to move quickly. Sure, some people might feel fully snug coming home with their partner on the first night to watch Netflix and chill, but that doesn’t suggest you should too.
You are allowed to go slow. In fact, going slow can be even more rewarding because you get to know your date on your own terms and build trust and friendship, not just a romantic bond. Slow dating should be all about having fun and getting to know one another. So even if you are not ready to jump between the sheets right away, you should get creative with your date ideas. Instead of the standard dinner or drinks, try going for a walk or taking a class. Cultural activities such as theatres, art galleries and museums are also great for sparking conversation.
If your date is showing signs of wanting to leave more quickly, then you should tell them you want to slow things down. There’s nothing wrong with stating precisely what you want and it is okay to be clear about your goals. Openness is crucial to any relationship, so do not let yourself be dragged down. Explain where you are from and make it clear that you’re having an incredible time. It’s also a good idea to suggest further activities that are within your comfort zone so your date does not think you are just ignoring them.
Be yourself
For people with social anxiety, the thought of “being yourself” is possibly the scariest thing about dating. When you spend quite a lot of time agonizing over what you should be doing or how you should look, it is really hard to be present in the moment and relax. There aren’t any two ways about this – you must continue to overcome your fear and stop leaning safety behaviors that maintain your social anxiety.
Fear of rejection is commonly the driving force behind social anxiety which makes it even tougher to be yourself. However, if you take each experience as a chance to learn, put yourself out there in a different way and take it at your own pace, you will find that rejection is just an inevitable part of dating and it doesn’t suggest everything. Reducing the weight of that rejection is extremely important.
When you do face rejection, remember that this is proof that you have crossed your comfort zone to pursue something better. Being rejected hurts and no-one likes it, but it shows that you are trying something out. Plus, rejection is not all the time one-sided. When you start dating, you’ll find that you reject people the same way they reject you. It may be personal but it is not the end of the world. There are over 7 billion people – you cannot love all of them!
Being honest with yourself is the best way to find someone who is really compatible with you. You will not find a deeper connection than with someone who understands your anxieties and worries and still loves you for who you are. While it is tempting to project a more confident personality, it will only get you so far. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable takes real courage, but it is worth the risk.
Dating social anxiety is difficult but not impossible. As you gradually expand your comfort zone, look back at your accomplishments and celebrate reaching your goals. Even if you start small like leaving the house and saying hello to the guy at the checkout at your local grocery store, you can, and you will get there. This is your journey and all you must do is take a step in the right direction.
